Feelings. I never learned how to express them well. I don’t even know what I am feeling. Sometimes I realise that I was angry only hours later. Which is not very functional. So what I would like to do now is write about them. Tell you how I feel. That means that I need to realise first what I am feeling. So I will explore my feelings. Today I feel calm and impatient at the same time. These to do not seem to be in harmony with each other. So, does it still make sense?
Calm: not showing or feeling nervousness, anger, or other strong emotions.
Impatient: having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provoked. Or restlessly eager.
These are the definitions. Something that strikes me is that both include “showing”. This is actually that thing that I don’t. I don’t show my feelings very well. Which is in the definition of calm. So calm might also mean that you are hiding underlying feelings, maybe even hiding them for yourself. For me feeling impatient today is more like the second part, the feeling restless. Restlessly eager, also.
Someone told me the following recently and it is still resonating in my head. If you don’t share your feelings with others, they will at some point come out as emotions. Uncontrolled. I recognise this. And I would like to get better at expressing my feelings so I don’t get these moments of emotions — often colouring my day.
Emotions: a strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. Instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.
So I am going to share my feelings with you, first by writing about them. I would like to explore the feelings and not tell you every day that I am feeling calm. I would like to avoid any repetitions. Which makes it some what artificial at times, possibly. Still.
I am feeling calm. That’s the answer when I asked myself earlier today what my feelings are today. Now I understand that this might not be the right word yet. Impatient because I feel there are many things about to happen and I feel like I’m waiting for them. So a bit passive.
Another word I found that applies to me these days is appreciative.
Appreciative: feeling or showing gratitude or pleasure.
Not the entire day. But there are moments. When walking outside hearing the birds sing early in the morning. When sitting outside enjoying the first moments on the roof top terrace with my dog. When relaxing after a good home cooked lunch. Writing.
